The holidays are coming.  Sounds ominous, doesn’t it?  To me, it means good and bad stuff - fire in the fireplace, extra lights that we wish we could leave up all year, and it’s time to fill and use the hot tub.  It also means family stress and melancholy, being guilted and yanked into too many gatherings than you can afford the gas or emotional bandwidth for, and some of the worst music ever written being played incessantly in every store you visit.  Finally, it means presents.  UGH… presents.

I hate presents.  I always have.  I know it sounds weird.  Perhaps it’s a personality flaw, or a genetic quirk - I’m missing the gene that makes me love getting random gifts that I didn’t ask for.  When I get something I love, I feel a sense of guilt and a difficulty expressing my appreciation.  When I get something I don’t care about, or worse, that I really don’t like, I loathe having to muster the fake enthusiasm that we’re expected to show.

We don’t really give our kids presents, and we especially don’t give them massive amounts of gifts for the major holidays and birthdays. We also ask that our family members cut back on the mounds of stuff that they want to give our kids for special occasions (this is NOT an easy task!)  There are several reasons for this.

(We all know that the best part of a gift is the box it came in, anyway…)

For one thing, I don’t want my kids to become those brats that *expect* people to give them lots of stuff the one time a year that we see them.  One scene that makes me feel queasy is watching a young person tear into a gift wrapped box, glance at the thing inside, and then toss it aside for the next box.  If the people who gave the presents are lucky, the kid won’t say “Is that it?” when the pile of stuff to open is gone.

I ask, instead, that my family members take the money that they had apparently allocated for buying stuff and donate it to a charity.  Then we can teach our kids about the charity and what they do… this is killing three birds with one stone; helping someone or something that needs help monetarily, an education in giving and a sense of pride for the kids, and less stuff that we didn’t actually want in our house.

Tyme and I usually get the kids two gifts for holidays and birthdays - something like token gifts.  They get one toy and one book.  And you know what?  They really love it, and they don’t complain about not being showered with gifts… and they certainly never feel as if they are being deprived.  They can focus on the new toy and book and get the most out of them, instead of having six new toys and being somewhat overwhelmed with choice and newness.  The appreciation for the two gifts is higher, too, and the ”expectation” (and consequent disappointment) is lessened.  

(We keep birthday celebrations pretty low-key, too.  Obviously, the birthday girl didn’t suffer one bit.)

If people absolutely want to get the kids something, we ask for clothing or gift certificates.  These are things that I know that we can use.  Amazingly, my four year old shows appreciation for gifted clothing, too; a rare sight in a kid her age, and a sign to me that “we’re doing it right.”  Really, both of my kids take the time to unwrap a present, check out what it is, open the box, and marvel at the thing (even if it’s just socks) before moving on to the next box.  If we gave them 20 gifts at a time, this would stop happening.

I hate waste nearly as much as I hate to see a greedy kid.  If we get a crap tonne of battery operated, cheaply made plastic toys at Christmas, they would last two weeks before being broken or forgotten.  Hey… those kids in China worked hard to make those things!  I opt for toys that are somewhat minimalist in design, construction, and materials.  You know, like a wooden block.  Frankly, my kids love playing with rocks, sticks, and a pail, just like most kids.  Why spend the money and natural resources to get all fancy?  And frankly, they will learn more important skills with those blocks or books than they would with a Bratz doll.  

So are my kids deprived?  Hell no.  They get random stuff all year.  If we see something awesome that we would like them to have, we get it right then and surprise them with it as a treat for good behavior or deeds.  They especially love books and stuffed animals.  And when it’s time to say goodbye to their stuff, I have them help me choose what is going to go to Goodwill or what they want to donate to their school.

(One of Carmen’s favorite gifts for her birthday last year was one that Nature delivered)

And when they say “thank you” for a gift, I don’t have to make them do it.  I also don’t force them to appear happy over something that they don’t care about (which I can only remember one instance of).

This year, why don’t you try cutting back and toning down on the presents?  If something falls on your lap that would be *just perfect* for Uncle Bob, then go for it.  Or, if you’re making that knitted hat because you know your Dad will love it, then that’s awesome!  But if you’re struggling to figure out what would be the least offensive gift for your mother in law, perhaps she would be happy to know that you gave to her favorite charity in her name.  After all, guys, this isn’t a competition, nor should it be a financial or emotional burden.  How about getting back to the root of gifting?  And, most importantly, teach your kids about it.