2.5 years old: 

*pointing to 3 month old sister* “Uh oh! Carolyn’s pacifier fell out of her face!”

 *on sharing* “Sorry, you can’t have my butt. But you can have this spoon!”

3 years old:

Whenever we put Carmen down for a nap, Carolyn scootches down the hall to her door and harrasses her through it. I hear Carmen in there saying “Be quiet, Carolyn! I’m trying to sleep!”

 “Stop, please!” me: “I can’t beep your belly button? Then why do you have one?” She looks down at it, and contemplates for a moment… “Because I need to dance!”

 “Momma, can we have Chik-Fil-A for lunch, please?” me: “I think they may be closed today…” Carmen: “Why? Is it Sunday?”

 “Carmen, do you know where we’re going today?” “Yes.” “Where?” “WAFFLES!”

*After walking for about a mile and a half, up and down San Fransisco’s hills* “Carmen, are you doing ok?” “No, my knees are a litle disappointed.”

I guess our impromptu anatomy lesson two weeks ago stuck. Carmen was impersonating a zombie and growling “BRrraaiiinnzzz!” I asked her if she had any brains, and she said “Yes, they’re right here in my skull,” as she tapped on her noggin.

Talked to Carmen about “has penis - boy. Has vulva/vagina - girl” this morning and REALLY regrets it. Now she points at men and says “Does he have a peanut?” Hahaha… could be worse, I suppose. She could be pronouncing it right.

*Overheard during storytime* “But, Daddy, I need to pet your nipple!” “No, Carmen, you don’t need to pet my nipple. Pet your own nipples. You have two of them.”

3.5 years old:

“Carmen, do you like your lollipop?” “Yes! It smells sweet. And it tastes like stars and hearts and love and wagons!”

“Momma, is this pocket for rocks? And some dirt and maybe snails?”

“Mama, I really need a piece of chocolate.” “You do? Why is that?” “Because my knee hurts.”

“I like cuttlefish, Momma. They like to cuddle me all the time. And we can eat crab legs together at Chinese Buffet!”

“Carmen, time to get ready for bed!” “But I’m hungry!” “Do you think that’s going to work?” “….. Yes?” *Hope springs eternal.*

“Mom, can we go hunting today after I put socks on my feet and purple flower shoes?”

4 years old:

*To Arie* “It’s ok, it’s just jelly beans. Don’t be afraid.”

I pulled a splinter out of Carmen’s foot, then set her free. On the way out the door, she says “Bye, Arie… I’m going to go and die now.”

Today, in the car, I turn on the GPS just to see if it’s working. Carmen wants to play with my phone. I tell her that I’m using it right now. She says, “You don’t need to navigate, you know how to get to the YMCA!”

“How long will it take to get to GranMaria’s house?” me: “How long do you think it will take?” Carmen: “It won’t feel like very long, because we all love one another here.”

“Carmen, let mommy be mommy to Carolyn, so that she thinks that you’re just a sweet big sister.” …longish pause… Carmen: “No thank you!”

“Where will the baby come out of Dottie?” Me: “From her vulva. Do you know where her vulva is?” Carmen points at the correct portion of anatomy, then squats and sticks her face about six inches away from it. “I think I see a baby coming out right now!!”

*Asking the hard questions* “If the chickens have free will, why do we keep them in a cage?”

*Carefully applied redirection* In the car today, Carmen was interested in how babies are made, so we start discussing needing a boy and a girl animal or plant…. there is a lull in the discussion, during which Carmen exclaims “Hey! Look! A squirrel!”

On the way out of the YMCA today, Carmen said “Mom, you’re lookin’ pretty buff.”

4.5 years old:

*On nationality* “Mom, is Jesca Hoop made of French?”

“Carolyn burped.” Carolyn: “No, you burped.” Carmen: “No! It was you that burped!” Carolyn: “No, I did’n burp; you burped!” Carmen: “I’m done with this argument. I’m leaving the table and going away from you.”

*On gender equality* “Girls can do everything they want to do. Boys can do everything, too, except lay babies.”