I have stuff to say

Too much stuff going on to actually sit and write a post about it.  Mostly good, not much bad… just BUSY and Tyme’s out of town.  Being a single Mom totally sucks.  I love having a partner.  :)

I just wanted to share a couple of pictures from yesterday.  Click to see larger.

This is Polaris and friends in their circle dance - Four x four minute exposures.

This was the gorgeous sunset we were treated to on the way home yesterday:

I finally saw fleet-footed Mercury, alongside beautiful Venus…  This would have been better if I had my tripod with me, but I had to improvise by using a cow fence post and trying my best to hold it steady:

I got tired yesterday after finally talking to Andrea.  It felt like the energy of thinking about what I wanted and needed to say for the past two months was released, and my body and mind said “Yay!  Now I can rest!”  I felt tired at 4, lay down on the couch at 6, and went to bed at 6:45, when Tyme came up from work.  I got up at 10:45 and took my meds and had “dinner” (a bowl of cereal),  then went back to sleep at 12ish and slept until nearly 10 this morning.

They’re going to move at the end of the school year, which is May 21st.  I’m so relieved - I was terrified that when we told her that they had to move no later than June 1st, things were going to get ugly.  I had also been thinking for the past month that I had become the New Jamie, that Andrea wasn’t allowed to talk to me.  Turns out, she was hiding because she’s dealing with shit of her own.  I wish I had known that a long time ago, but still thankful that it’s in the open now.

The downside to all this is that suddenly my energy is low.  I haven’t even written stuff on my to do list today, let alone been able to mark anything off of it.  Instead, I did henna on myself, watched four episodes of Lost, played Age of Empires, and surfed mindlessly on the web. 

Carmen went into her room at 2:30 and still hasn’t taken a nap.  This is a fight I’m not I have in me today, so we’re just going to have to put her down for an early bed time.

Obviously, we survived the Savannah trip.  We got done what HAD to be done before the new tenants moved in, and then we headed back late Sunday and got here at 3:30 AM Monday.  We’re going to have to go back down and finish up there, but all in all, it’s looking pretty good.  The yard looks thirty times better now that we have an actual yard guy working on it.  I can’t wait to come back down in six months and take pictures of it. 

We’re going to be hosting the Logan Family Easter Egg Hunt this year.  That’s… a lot of people, and should be a lot of fun, too.  :)  I’m looking forward to having about 15 kids climbing all over our yard looking for about 200 eggs.  It’s also a wonderful excuse to get the yard looking nice and non-dangerous really soon.  That will start this weekend.  I’m also going to be working on the inside of the house.  Nothing big, just my usual twice-yearly purge and scrub.

Carolyn is damn cute and damn sweet, but she still looks so young compared to other kids her age.  Her face and head still look like she’s about 6 months old.  At least she’s crawling now; when she wants to, that is.  She prefers to scootch on the hard wood floors, which makes sense to me.  She will crawl on soft stuff, like the bed and cushy carpets.  She’s also not so interested in pulling up, but will very happily stand if you prop her up or hold her hands.  I’m trying not to worry about it, but it’s hard not to compare Number II with Number I.  Carmen was crawling and pulling up by 8 months, and cruising by 9.  Maybe Carolyn will just stand up and walk next month, who knows?

The time change makes me happy.  It’s nearly 6:30 and the sun is still up and bright, which is a big motivator.  Maybe I’ll start tackling the yard when Tyme gets off of work today… or maybe I’ll just play more Age of Empires.  Or I could knit more; after all, I did finally grow the cojones to start that shawl, and it’s not looking too shabby so far.

Oh!  And the driveway is done!  Hopefully, no more bottoming out on that dip over the creek.  Yay!!  The last two days were pretty exciting, what with the big gaping hole in our driveway, and the fact that we had to walk a skinny plank across a creek to get from our house to the street.  I got some pictures of the action, too.

I think I’m going to drink some caffeine and see what I can tackle on the list now.  Carolyn is happily munching jam on bread, and Carmen is finally settled down.  And Tyme may be up here in two minutes.  Speaking of Tyme, as of yesterday, we’ve been together for 9 years.  That’s a really lucky number!  I think it’s fantastic that the harder life gets, the closer we get.

As my pics today, I’m going to show off some of my photoshop work.  This is a technique where one makes an aerial scene look like a miniature model set.

This is Marseille:

This is Liverpool:

This is Disneyland:

You can see moar here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/elizebeth_joy/sets/72157623511602383/

Yesterday we were in the car on the way to Savannah, and Carmen was handing snacks to Carolyn for munching. Tyme turns to watch and comments that it looks like God and Adam on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. I say something to the effect of “haha, God’s all like “Pull my finger!”  From the backseat, we hear Carmen sweet, clear voice say “*I* would have pulled his finger!”

You know what?  She totally would have.  Carmen would have gladly pulled God’s finger.  That’s why I love her.

So now we’re in Savannah, and it’s clean-like-mad day.  The tenants neglected to tell us that they have at least one dog, at least one cat, and some chinchillas.  I don’t know if that’s why this place is so nasty, but man, it’s absolutely amazing how much dirt and grime has accumulated since they moved in.  The blinds are so bad that we’re replacing them because it will be more cost effective than trying to take the time to clean them.

Their dog(s) ate a hole in the mounding around the back door and ripped the grid off of the door’s window in another room.  There is no grass left… not even weeds, actually, which is quite a feat considering how well they’ve grown here in the past.  I could also tell that they had a dog as soon as I walked in, because the house just reeks of dogness.  I’m hoping that baking soda and two mopping jobs will get the smell out.  I used to think that my standard of cleanliness was on the low side, but they make me look like a total neat freak.

Tomorrow and Saturday, we’ll show the houses and hope to have a signer on Sunday.  It’s happened before, and there is already some interest, so keep your fingers crossed for us.  And let’s hope for cleaner people next time.

While we’re here, we’re also doing a whirlwind tour of friends and favorite haunts, as well as throwing Tyme into a fencing tourney.

One of my favorite parts of all this is being back in our old house… our first home… the home we lived in when Carmen was conceived and born.  We grew so much here, and the memories are great and humbling.  It’s also great to come back and realize that, as much as we love our home here, our home in Athens is so perfect for us for so many reasons.  It helps to remind us that we choose well, we live well, and we make a home where ever we go.

Carmen amazed me yet again today - we went into the smaller house to see if the carpets were bad enough to warrent getting a pro to steam clean them, and while we were in there, she said “I was in this house yesterday.”  Yesterday, to Carmen, means any time in the past, and yes, she was here almost exactly one year ago… so I asked her “Where did you sleep while you were here?”  And she walked into the bedroom and pointed to the corner where we had her tent set up last year… “I slept right there.”  I asked “What did you sleep on?” thinking that I could get her on a trick question.  “I slept in my tent!”  She’s right - and that was when she was a little over two years old, and she’s a little over three now.  She’s also sleeping on a mattress this time, not her tent, so I’m sure now that she really does remember being here.  That’s so incredible to me.  Am I not giving two and three year olds enough credit, or is her memory especially good?

Here she is, playing in a puddle in the rain today:

I’m actually getting myself anxious over starting a new knitting project.  Like, butterflies in the stomach nervous.  It’s my first shawl, and I’m over-thinking it just a wee bit, probably.  I’m hoping I feel better once I cast on the first few stitches, then take it a row at a time until a pattern is established.  Suddenly, this sounds like a metaphor.

To be fair, I’ve been having anxiety over a lot of stuff recently, and this may feel like it’s related to knitting (snork) when it’s really not.  I’ve had random stomach flutters and nausea, blood pounding in my ears when I stand up, teeth grinding, and pretty bad tension all over.  I’m also still mentally scattered, but my little second brain (notebook with pen tied to it) that I carry around really helps me to stay on track so that I don’t try to start the same thing four times and never actually get to it.

What’s nuts is that, for me, this is high functioning, considering the stressful situations all around me.  If I weren’t on zoloft, I would have given up by now and would be either in bed or hospitalized.  What’s it like to be a normal person with normal chemicals who can just process stuff, get it did, and move on?

Mom is doing great, from what I hear.  She sounds good, and the snippets of news I get about her tell me that she’s recovering quickly and stubbornly.  I don’t know when they are going to start the radiation, but all that’s left for me to do now is hope like hell that it works.  Sometimes it feels like we’re just waiting for the next bomb to drop.

My friend had a stroke last week, and is still in the hospital for recovery.  She doesn’t really know how long she’s going to be there - they are hoping to get her to the point where she can dress herself and walk again.  I haven’t seen her in person, but I sent Tyme out to see both her and Mom last weekend (they are at the same hospital).  Sometimes I catch myself laughing and then feeling bad about it, then I chastise myself for chastising myself.   It’s hard to keep the old Catholic in me down.

Someone recently asked me what it meant to be a Secular Humanist, and I’m working on a short, easy definition to recite.  I would prefer that over just saying “I’m not Christian.  No, I’m not Buddhist, either, though I would like to be.  No, not Jewish or Muslim or Atheist (though Atheist is closest out of all of those, really).”  I’m hoping that if I have a simple two word sentence (Jesus died on the cross for our sins and I’ll go to heaven if I believe in him and his dad.  Otherwise I’ll go to hell and burn forever) then I can mentally carry it around with me and it will help me to cope with day to day stuff by remembering the core stuff that I believe in.

Other projects I’m working on: Selecting 7 pieces of metalwork for DragonCon jury-ing.  Getting the dishwasher fixed.  Going to Savannah to clean out the houses and find a new tenant.  Compiling a photography portfolio.  Getting henna on my head and a hair cut.  Sending the bootees to Henry.  Re-doing henna books and touching up the site a little.  Hosting the Logan Easter Egg hunt (this will be awesome - we have the best yard for it evar).  Staying hydrated.

Now I feel like I have to come up with a corny picture to counteract my angst.

The small print is awesome on this container:

Here’s Carmen and her friends on the playground from last week:

Finally, this is probably my favorite shot from this past week’s open photoshoot:

We found out today that a good friend of ours, who is Tyme’s age, had a stroke today and is in the hospital (funny enough, the same one that Mom’s in while recovering).  At this point, she can’t use her left side of her body.

I don’t even know what to do, or think.  I feel like we’re living in a weird nightmare - we keep seeing all these awful things happen to people that we love, and we feel so helpless.  It feels strange to just keep trucking like nothing is going on, but what else are we supposed to do?

More good news about Mom- she’s been able to sit on the edge of her bed, and they expect to have her up and walking by this evening!  It’s still not quite real, since I haven’t personally heard her voice, but it’s getting there.  I’m less tingly and things are moving at a normal pace for me today.

I spent yesterday staying in bed late, getting the kids from Mom’s, driving back home to pick up a recently-arrived Scarlett and Ian, taking everyone to Snellville to pick up a new telescope from a really interesting family in a scary suburban neighborhood, driving back home, driving everyone (plus Tyme) out to the Chinese buffet, getting good news about Mom from Maria while there, coming home, taking Ian and the telescope out for an astronomy lesson in 21 degree windchill weather, making hot chocolate so that we could feel our fingers and toes again, hitting the hot tub, knitting, and a massage from Scarlett.  Finally, kinda sleep.  This was mostly Carolyn’s fault.

Today was an early wake up day, as I had an appointment with a lady in Comer who wanted some belly henna and photos.  Here are a couple of results - click on a photo to see more:

Then I came home and got a couple of cute shots of Carmen and Bean, but I haven’t uploaded those yet, so maybe tomorrow.  :)

From Mom’s Caringbridge site, updated by her friend, Stasia:

“Maria just called and asked me to update you: Barb is out of surgery and doing well!!! The doctor said he got most of the tumor and that radiation will be scheduled to take care of the remainders. He said the tissue around the spine looks clean and, though she lost a good bit of blood in surgery today, everything is functioning properly in that area. I’m sure Maria will update this site tomorrow. In the meantime, your thoughts and prayers are very much appreciated! With love,  Stasia.”

Although I can technically breathe now, I still feel fluttery and not quite all here.  I’ll feel much better after I actually talk to her on the phone, but I don’t know when that will be.  I can just hope that she’s not in pain now and is doing ok mentally, and the best she can possibly do physically.

All I have to do is survive today.  I’m taking slow, measured steps and watching my breath.  My friend Scarlett will be here soon to hold my hand, thankfully.  I’ll start by brushing my hair and teeth.